What if...

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What if... we all had a tail?

An original short story by Nathalie Abbing

tail silhouette

What if we all had a tail? No, not a ponytail on top of your head but a real tail, like the one from a cat. You know, down your back, just above your bum where the tail once was only a little hump.

Before we became human with our suits and laws, we had a tail over there and walked on four paws for some extra support. A handy third hand can be very convenient you understand.

But when people became people on one pair of feet, the tail slowly vanished, it was no longer in need. With only a knob to remember. I can only dream of the feast of the proud tail it once was, of having an ass like a beast.

What if nature had gone astray when all had gone differently. If the tail could not be missed because of its efficient quality.

So, what if we still had our tail, how would life be right now? What changes would there beIf we had the rear end of a cow?

What tail would I have? What would grow on me? A parrot or a peacock’s tail, very colourful and feathery?

tail silhouette2 The tail I would love to have Is of a big Arabian horse, or a long-haired Afghan hound. No rabbit’s bum, of course!

A tail like a gracious veil dragging on the floor as soft as pure silk. Golden blond is what I adore. I’ll put in some rollers, when I wish for nice curls or neatly made little plaits, tied up with ribbons and pearls.

But my jeans no longer fit, and a dress looks like a tent because if we all had a tail, fashion too would be different. Pants with a little hole for your tail to peep through. But skirts with a high split leave your ass in plain view.

We do have to practice on a tail turning repertoire. You can't just wiggle, sway and flirt like a superstar. For bad tail behaviour you can be put in jail. By the order of the law. You have to control your tail.

Then you are summoned for an intensive course where you'll learn to behave until you show remorse. That wagging means trouble, when you cause one to fall, when you tail someone down, you’ll be accused of “tail brawl”.

A heavy bell will be attached on the far end of your tail so your naughty tail manners will no longer derail. Thus, from now until forever you’ll be heard from afar. The sound of ill behaviour tail brawling scum, you are.

So maybe it’s better now can we say. Tails don't fit, life is complicated enough without a tail to deal with Still, it’s nice to picture itI. Imagine how the tail would be of James Bond, The Queen, Einstein, Miss World or Gandhi!

THE END