What if…we all had a tail

What if we all had a tail No, not a pony tail on your head But a real tail, like the one from a rat

You know, down your back Just above your bum There were the tail once was Remains no more than a little hump

That was when man were no humans yet And maybe closer family to the hare When we still walked on four paws or legs That’s when we had a tail over there

Very convenient for some extra support Or to use it as an handy third hand So you can scratch these unreachable spots That can be very nice, you understand

But when people became people To walk on one pair of feet The tail slowly vanished Because it was no longer in need

With only a knob as the memory I can only but dream of the feast Of the proud tail it once was Of having an ass like a beast

What if nature had made an other choice What if everything had gone differently If the tail could not been missed And we still needed it tremendously

So, what if we all still had our tail How would life be right now What changes would there be If we had the rear end of a cow

What kind of tail would I have Which tail would I like to wear Maybe a bald one like a little mouse Or a long one with long fair hair

The tail I would love to have Is the one of a big Arabian horse Or a long haired Afghan hound No snake’s tail for me, of course

I like a long one, that can hang low Like a veil dragging on the floor With hair as soft as pure silk Golden blond is what I adore

I could put in some hot rollers For I always wished for nice curls Or neatly made little plaits Tight up with coloured ribbons and pearls

But a jeans would no longer fit And my favourite skirt looks like a tent Because if we all had a tail Fashion too would be different

Pants with a little hole For your tail to peep through Skirts with a split and a small flap When you don’t want your tail in plain view

‘Cause not everyone likes to show it off Depends on what kind of person you are You can’t just waggle as you like To any other man like a superstar

For offensive tail behaviour You can be put in jail By the order of the law You have to behave your tail

Then you’re summoned for a course Where you’ll learn proper tail manners To learn your tail how to behave So no more naughty tail gestures

That waggling gives more problems When your tail caused one’s fall When you tackle someone down You’ll be heavily accused of tail brawl

And sentenced to permanently wear A big bell on the end of your tail, Thus hindered by the heavy wait Your tail manners will no longer fail

So from now until forever Everyone can hear you come And know that you could not behave That you are tail brawling scum

So maybe it’s better now Can we say, a tail doesn’t fit Life is complicated enough Without a tail to deal with

Still it’s nice to picture it And imagine how the tail would be Of Obama, the Queen and Byoncee James Bond, miss America and Gandhi